House Arrest

It’s really hot in Manhattan today (think the middle of a grilled cheese sandwich) and it doesn’t look like me and my gaoler are going anywhere. So far, I’ve read aloud over thirty picture books (I had to take a lozenge mid-way through), had to play with Disney Princess Polly Pockets–spent 45 minutes trying to get Cinderella’s head back on her body with a screwdriver– (I hoped I’d accidentally jab myself so we could go to the infirmary), and was told not to sing whilst scrubbing the broiler. If she goes to sleep, I’ll try tying some sheets together.

 

Thank you, Edan!

Here are the latest picks from The Millions , a great literary blog.

You should bookmark this blog right under Vroman’s Blog, and Fresh Direct.

 

The Smell of the Ballpark

Today’s New York Times has a piece in the Sports section about what Major Leaguers won’t miss about the soon to be evacuated Yankee Stadium— the tiny clubhouse, low ceiling in the dugout, and the smelliness of the park.

I’m not a Yankee fan so I did my Nelson from The Simpsons snickering as I read, “Ha ha! Yankee Stadium is stinky.”

But the last line of the piece hit me like a smack in the face, “Diamondbacks Brandon Webb said he would miss another departing New York ballpark even less….“I think Shea smells worse,” Webb said.”

Wha??? Huh???? Shea Stadium smells? This is like finding out people think your house smells like kitty litter and beef stew. I felt humiliated for my team and then I started getting really steamed. All these yahoos from Podunk think New York City ballparks smell bad! Sure, they like the brand new ballparks with no history! This is why I have decided to leave my family and go on a tour smelling baseball stadiums. I will report my findings at a later date.

Just kidding. But don’t you think it’s kind of racist or something?

 

I’m back from the hell that is Nature

I was at my parent’s house for 13 days. Other than no high-speed internet, here’s what I saw: bugs like from crazy bug movies, snakes –I lost count at 675, turtles, frogs, newts (or as Violet calls them nukes–she’s like W.) and a bat sitting on a chaise lounge. We thought it was dying or had rabies because it wouldn’t fly away, but just crawled little bits here and there, but the next morning it had flown away (or was eaten by something that’s now really sorry).

Also, Bea our lil’ dog got Lyme’s disease.

 

Insight into the cuckoo’s nest that rests on my neck

I just got back from 2 weeks at my parents –more on that later — but while I was there I went on my mother’s dial-up computer with no web browser except AOL to read my julieklam.com mail. In a mysterious moment, three e-mails from people who were lovely enough to write me kind words about my book were suddenly gone; sucked into the vortex that surrounds my mother and her kitchen.

As someone who has so few things to take great pride in, I am killing myself for not writing back to these people. I ALWAYS WRITE BACK when someone sends me a note and now there are three people in the world who think I’m as rude as a stain. I saw each of their e-mails for a few seconds and am tempted to go to a hypnotist to see if their addresses can be recalled in a trance state.  I think one of them was named Nancy ….  and the others were Frank and Joe Hardy.

Stupid head, think!

 

Blog Talk Radio– CHANGE IN TIME

I will be on Blog Talk Radio with host Olivia Wilder on July 9th at 7:00 p.m. EST/4:00 pm PST. It’s a call in show type of deal and you need to register before hand. So please call in and say things! We’ll find out what this new internet phenomena is together!

 

Miami Book Fair

I will be at the Miami Book Fair November 15-16 weekend.   The 15th is not my birthday, but it is Ed Asner’s birthday so I’m sure we’ll be celebrating that.

 

Book Group Expo

I will be at Book Group Expo October 25-26  in San Jose, CA. This is a fantastic event for people who run or are in book clubs or just love books.  I’ll have more information later but in the meantime, just know that October 25th is also my birthday.

 

Washington Post Book World

This review is in the Sunday, June 29th Washington Post Book World. I don’t really understand it all, so let’s call it a rave!

 

The Mermaid Parade

This past weekend found the Explorer’s Club (me, Paul, Violet, Tom, Jancee, Edward and Heather not to be confused with The Adventure Club which is me, Paul, Violet and my Aunt Mattie and Uncle Dave) at The Mermaid Parade in Coney Island. All was well, Violet wore a cute costume and was adored by many– the line for Nathan’s (kind of disgusting) hot dogs was miles long, but parade=good. So after we were done seeing too many pairs of nude boobs we went to a little patch of grass to relax when I see this dude walking toward the boardwalk with a 60 ft. Boa Constrictor around his neck. I have a pretty significant phobia and so I just turned away. I said quietly to Paul, “Is he gone?”

“No,” Paul said, “He’s coming this way.”

I grabbed Violet’s hand and HIGH TAILED it out of there (Paul said there were hairpins in the air where I had been) and we got the hell away from there while the other club members cooly ambled over and we proceeded to watch the guy (who I might add was 5′1″ if he was an inch) glomming suntan lotion on the Boa. He also had another snake in his purse — a sort of pale yellow monster. Yes, it’s Coney Island, but there’s a place for the side show freaks and it’s not where little gentle children are playing in the grass. Oh yeah, he also had a bucket for donations. I wanted to give him a donation of my foot on the side of his head…except he was surrounded by those giant snakes.