I apologize. I have been so busy writing the new book and some other pieces that I just don’t have time to do anything here, but annoyingly self promote. That is why I’m writing a quick post to say ‘my blog stinks these days.’
Love and kisses, Julie
June 24, 2009
I will be on Mom’s the Word radio show tomorrow out of Denver. Please, enjoy!
June 22, 2009
Hey, here’s my essay in New York Magazine Summer Issue! ENJOY!!
June 10, 2009
I have an essay in Family Circle and one in Cookie. Enjoy!
June 9, 2009
FADE IN:
INT: Stationary Store – day
A harried 42 year old woman stands in the card store with her 5 year old daughter who is picking out a “present” for herself, maybe colored pencils, maybe clay… The woman holds 4 leashes, at the end of each leash is a dog.
Enter: an older woman, grey hair, round, late 70s with a Scotty on a leash.
The 4 dogs start barking at the Scotty who barks back.
OLDER WOMAN: Oh, I’ll go, will you be long?
YOUNGER WOMAN: No, we’re almost done!
The younger woman goes to help her daughter with something on a high shelf and drops one of the leashes, one of her dogs race to the front of the store to bark at the Scotty. The younger woman runs up and sees the older woman is kicking her dog.
YW: Relax, would you?
OW: YOU’RE FUCKING DOG IS BITING MY DOG!
YW: Whatever.
OW: YOU FUCKING BITCH YOU CAN’T EVEN CONTROL YOUR FUCKING DOGS!
YW: Calm down, lady.
OW: YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY TO APOLOGIZE!
YW: When in the midst of all of your F-words was I supposed to apologize?
OW: YOU FUCKING GET HOLD OF YOUR FUCKING DOG! YOU’RE LUCKY I DIDN’T BREAK ITS NECK!
YW: (suddenly her calm demeanor slips) You’re lucky I don’t break YOUR NECK!
OW: I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!
YW: (sighs) Are you going to leave … Grandma?
OW: I’M YOUNGER THAN YOU! I HAD GRAY HAIR BEFORE YOU WERE BORN.
YW: Okay. (She hides in the back of the store waiting for OW to leave. OW exits the store but stands in the window continuing to scream. YW can see her lips saying “FUCK” again and again)
FADE OUT:
May 17, 2009
I’ll be reading at Book Court in Brooklyn this week with the fabulous Lise Funderburg who will be reading from her memoir, Pig Candy.
Other than that, I am working furiously to finish my book by the end of Violet’s school year. That’s just six more weeks! Off I go!
April 24, 2009
I was briefly following a literary agent on Twitter who dispenses advice one day a month (I think it’s called #queryday). I’ve never heard of this person, but she has a substantial following. I believe she’s addressing mostly people who are in search of an agent or a book deal.
One of her tweets hit me like an arrow –it was the last one I read before I removed myself from her followers. She said, “An agent’s job is not to handhold or coddle or boost a writer’s self-esteem. An agent’s job is to sell the manuscript.” She put the declaration out there, as far as I could see it wasn’t in response to anything anyone asked. I tweeted back (sort of jokingly), “Well then whose job is it to coddle the writer- the publicist, the editor, the husband?” And she shot back, “It’s nobody’s job to coddle a writer. If a writer needs coddling, s/he’s in the wrong business.”
And to this I would like to say, “Wha-hat? WHAT????” Who is more insecure and in need of consolation than a writer? And what is this ‘not my job?’ I used to work as a clerk in an insurance company, it was my job to process death claims, it wasn’t my job to tell people that I was very sorry about the passing of their loved one and wait for half an hour while they looked for a working pen, but it was something I did anyway. I also used to change the water in the water cooler, which also wasn’t in the job description.
The thing that got me about this is that I have an agent who does all of that stuff that supposedly ”isn’t an agent’s job’. And my agent is arguably the best and most desired literary agent in the business.
It’s true. I don’t generally call her up and say “nobody wuvs me.” Or “does my paperback make me look fat?” But when we’re talking about my work, I definitely whine and she consoles. Christ, there’s a lot of getting slammed when you’re a professional writer, A LOT. Public and private. Even great writers get it. Rejected manuscripts, snotty reviews, readings where only two people show up (none of this has ever happened to me of course, but I’ve heard about it.)
I mentioned this particular tweet to my agent because I’d wondered if I was the one who was off-base. Her response: Horrified. “Writers work alone,” she said, “we are a kind of support line.”
And it’s not just my agent. I know a lot of other lit agents. They represent people who are just starting out and people who’ve been cranking out best-sellers year after year and these agents treats their clients the same way. I mean there are certainly ones (like the Twitterer) who may not operate like that, but I would be wary of someone who announces that they don’t coddle. Agents are there for writers in many ways –it is not just selling the ms.
I don’t know. I just think agents get a bad enough wrap, why give one to yourself?
April 21, 2009
Here is a blog post of all of the beginnings of blog posts I never finished for one reason or another– someone needed something from me or I started boring myself or I got hungry. I pasted them together in a sort of Quilt of Nonsense. Enjoy!
Yesterday, I had the good fortune to attend the Broadway theatrical triumph “Max and Ruby” with my daughter’s kindergarten class. The show itself was a tour de force! This earnest portrayal of the life of a brother and sister bunny, Max and Ruby, tells the story of what happens when two bunnies want to do a performance for their Grandma. Let me tell you, nothing is as you’d expect. In my opinion, Max and Ruby will become the seminal bunny theatrical experience. Off stage, in the audience, there was a whole ‘nother show. At the start of the performance a voice came over the loudspeaker requesting that all cell phones be turned off. The mothers and fathers that chaperoned on the trip answered (silently) with a resounding “NO!” It was like a glorious sea of texting fireflies. Blackberrys! iPhones! ANYTHING not to have to watch the 45 minute performance. I did update my Facebook status once but other than that, I was rapt. Also, there was a big spider on stage and I had to take my daughter out until the coast was clear…..Yesterday I was organizing our dining room table that doubles for a crap dump. Underneath a million pictures of Mulan, Duck from Little Bear and Ariel, there are Christmas cards from 2007 and much of what we need to do our taxes. While I was cleaning and putting endless papers into piles for recycling, I came across three papers stapled together and folded. I opened it up and it was a resume for someone named Jerlil Parks. His address was near Yankee Stadium in the Bronx. I e-mailed Paul to find out what it was. He said the guy was going through the subway saying he needed a job and if anyone thought they could help, he’d be happy to give him his resume…. I haven’t been able to work at all this week because my daughter’s on school vacation, I’m thinking of renting a kid for her to play with…. One of the things that’s great about writing is learning new words. Even better is using words that you already knew but using them more betterly. I feel my vocabulary has grown exponentially. And my ability to make up words? Kefadiblity!…. How many times does one have to throw up easter grass before realizing that it’s not a good idea to eat in the first place. Answer according to my dogs: No amount of times!….
April 18, 2009
I will be “teaching” a master class called Memoir: Balancing Life’s Ups and Downs that will deal with pacing and humor in writing at the Greenwich Arts Council in association with Just Books in Greenwich, CT. Thursday, April 23rd from 10:00 am -12:00 pm.
It’s a Master Class so expect to see me wearing a cap and gown and a monocle. I am actually really looking forward to this — I think it will be fun and educational! (wink!) There will be HANDOUTS!
Click her for the info, please please come!
April 10, 2009
I am doing a Twitter Chat with the great Patrick Brown of Vroman’s bookstore on Tuesday, April 14th at 2 pm EST. I am @julieklam and Patrick is @vromans. I know, I know, it’s crazy martian talk!
